My Preaching Pen

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Religious Jokes . . . with a Point

Audio files

"Pretty Little Circles" (A lesson in trying to use the Bible to prove what you already believe)

"Three Against One" (An example of people who think the majority is always right)

"You Were Born a Protestant" (The significance of repentance/The implications of "baptism")

"Wednesday Nights Don't Count" (A lesson in the peril of minimizing church attendance)

"Christmas and Easter" (Another lesson about church attendance)

Read 'em yourself

One by Inkman...

Q: What do you call it when someone is so enamored of a church building that they think it's the key to church growth?

Answer: An edifice complex

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
The lady answered, "Only the Ten Commandments."

A preacher got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have
plenty of money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets."

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
After a long wait
, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Preacher," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It
seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

A man dies and is met by the angel Gabriel at the Pearly Gate. Gabriel says,"Here's how it works: You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I'll tell you how many points each item is worth. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says confidently, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart!"

"That's wonderful," says the angel, "that's worth three points!"

"Only THREE points?!" he says, obviously surprised. "Well," he said hopefully, "I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my donations and service!"

"Terrific!" says Gabriel. "That's certainly worth a point."

"Only one point!?!!" says the man, now visibly shaken. Then he recalls, "Well, I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."

The angel tells him, "Fantastic, that's good for one more point."

"ONE more !?!?" Exasperated and defeated, the man exclaims, "At this rate the only way I'll get into heaven is BY THE GRACE OF GOD!"

"Bingo, 95 points! Come on in!" says the angel.

Religious Jokes . . . Just for Fun

Audio files

"The 15-Minute Preacher"

"The Peanut-Loving Preacher"

Read 'em yourself

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the building.
Everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil-incarnate.

Soon everyone had left the building except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, I sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?!" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?!?!" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 44 years!"

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note:
"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

Jokes for kids, by Inkman

Q: Why was it so noisy on the Sabbath?

A: Because everyone who was resting was ... Look what it says -
Exo. 20:10 "... you shall do no work: ... your sons nor your daughters nor your male servants nor your female servants nor ...."
For pity's sake - everybody was snoring!

Q: Where did the ear-nose-and-throat doctor think the 10 Commandments were given?

Mount Sinus

Follow-up Q: Why was Moses instructed to place boundaries around the base of Mt. Sinai to keep the people back?

To hold down on

Your turn! Submit a worthy joke

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